These are the ramifications of my daydreams, a procrastination of passions, and other ramblings.
7.30.2014
7.22.2014
Reminders
The poem came on the blue heron's breast,
through the breeze in the blackberry bushes
and gushed her stanzas along the creek.
through the breeze in the blackberry bushes
and gushed her stanzas along the creek.
We embraced warmly and it felt good
to look into her eyes again,
but I couldn’t hear a word she said.
I wanted to listen, but
with my fidgety hands behind my back,
I walked through the park like a charlatan monk.
Said hello to a spider and ripple after ripple.
A woman said a yellow-jacket had put on a show. (The cute little guy.)
She said, with a smile that all creation could love,
that she wasn't compassionate enough towards
herself.
I wanted to hug her.
Laid in the grass in thought as I watched
dozens of tiny birds in the branches above me. I’m like them
living a countdown life; busy flitting from here to there.
On cue, a baby acorn landed on the middle of my forehead.
A peculiarly precise place to fall as if to respond, “Pay
attention.
Inside each tick and tock is the pause of now.”
I pressed pause.
When was the last time I shut up for long enough
to watch the clouds roll by?
To remember I am more than just a body?
I used to labor poems to existence, carried the
weight of them
until they collapsed onto the page, but on this
day
she tapped me on the shoulder
and reminded me who I was.
![]() |
| IG: @daydreamifications |
7.10.2014
Health Care That Actually Cares?
We need to revolutionize the way we look at health
care.
What I’m proposing isn’t drastic in nature, but is
very different from what I’ve personally experienced in my lifetime.
The last time I went to see my (now former)
Primary Care Physician (PCP), she barreled into the room with a man I didn’t
know, briefly asked me how I was doing and barraged me with a series of
questions. There was no denying that we were all on the clock and she needed to get out of there as fast as possible. “So you’re short of breath? Pain in chest? Coughing? Sneezing?
Fever?” The man, who was obviously being trained, stationed himself in front of the computer without so much as a nod in my direction.
As I shot back answers as quickly as possible, she gave commands to the man in between them, making me feel like she was only half-listening to my responses. "Put code such-and-such for cough. Uh-huh. Okay. So no fever?" Out of all the questions she could've had, the one she didn't think to ask was if it was alright to share what is supposed to be a private space with another person.
Once she had heard enough of what I had to say, she immediately suggested what she could prescribe. “Your pharmacy is Walgreens, right?” Not once did she ask me how I was eating, how often I was exercising (if at all), or if I was experiencing any abnormal stress. I had to be the one to ask, "Shouldn't we check this? Shouldn't we rule out that?"
As I shot back answers as quickly as possible, she gave commands to the man in between them, making me feel like she was only half-listening to my responses. "Put code such-and-such for cough. Uh-huh. Okay. So no fever?" Out of all the questions she could've had, the one she didn't think to ask was if it was alright to share what is supposed to be a private space with another person.
Once she had heard enough of what I had to say, she immediately suggested what she could prescribe. “Your pharmacy is Walgreens, right?” Not once did she ask me how I was eating, how often I was exercising (if at all), or if I was experiencing any abnormal stress. I had to be the one to ask, "Shouldn't we check this? Shouldn't we rule out that?"
Mask the symptoms and perpetuate the root cause; this
is the current state of our health care, because it is what’s profitable.
Let me begin by acknowledging that modern medicine
is a great thing. Without it we wouldn’t be able to treat chronic illnesses
like Type 1 Diabetes or perform intricate surgeries. But what modern medicine
doesn’t do is look at individuals in a whole sense. When we treat symptoms, we
are only looking at a small part of a person.
I believe that we should have a health care team
which would include much more than just your family doctor. We should all have
coverage for a nutritionist that not
only provides an education on food, but also helps grocery shop and teaches how
to actually prepare healthy meals. A life
coach/therapist that helps manage time so we can cook said healthy meals
and who helps manage stress. Stress is behind a vast myriad of disease, so it is
absolutely ridiculous that it is not the FIRST thing a health care provider tries
to assess and treat. Finally, we should have coverage for a personal trainer who helps determine
which kinds of exercise routines work best for each individual’s needs.
Lower-income communities should have many of these
benefits provided to them for free, as well as other services that should be
provided to all such as guided meditations, yoga and/or tai chi classes,
massage therapy and family counseling. And free services shouldn’t mean lesser
quality. We already have services like these provided through our cities and
churches, but they’re often operated by well-meaning yet untrained volunteers.
I’m talking about staffing professionals and having local—even federal—government
subsidize the cost.
How can we afford it? Stop subsidizing corn and
soy, for starters.
We should also provide urban communities with
education on how to grow their own food. It’s not as simple as putting a seed
in the ground and watering it. You need to know what grows well together, how
much sunlight it needs, when to plant it, etc. Local farmers could be appointed
by the community to be their city’s official “Community Farmers” who oversee several organic community gardens throughout strategic areas of the city and
help people learn how to be self-sufficient. Self-sufficiency is key in this
world I’m envisioning. As the saying goes, “Give a man a fish and you feed him
for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” You feed his
future generations, too.
This is our problem as a society; we have a wealth
of knowledge at our fingertips, but we lack practical education on the “simple”
things.
If we approached health care in a comprehensive way, we could slowly find
ourselves in a country of happier, healthier people.
And when people are happier and healthier, they think clearer.
And when people are happier and healthier, they think clearer.
And if we find ourselves in a country of thinkers who
are no longer clouded by the abundance of stress that has been accepted as “normal,”
we progress as a society in positive ways.
How we eat and move plays a major role in how we think and act. If we could balance our lives in a way that fits our unique personalities, we may collectively be better able to tackle other problems in our country. And in the same way that other countries model our behavior, we could positively impact the world.
How we eat and move plays a major role in how we think and act. If we could balance our lives in a way that fits our unique personalities, we may collectively be better able to tackle other problems in our country. And in the same way that other countries model our behavior, we could positively impact the world.
In this "radical" world there will still be McDonald’s, just
maybe not on every other block. Certain types of companies could flop, jobs may be lost. But it doesn't have to seem so scary. This just means new companies will grow to replace these jobs, companies that produce products
that actually benefit people. Trading assembly lines for crop lines shouldn’t
seem extreme. Health-conscious fast food shouldn’t be such a crazy concept.
Doctors that actually give a shit about you shouldn’t be a rarity.
We deserve a health care system that actually
promotes health.
Change is never easy and implementing a model like
this is sure to bring its fair share of obstacles, but I ask you—how well is what we have in place now working for you?
7.06.2014
Saturday Night Sermons
I remember being too young
laying down on the benches after dad’s gigs--
especially the Portuguese hall on Ocean View.
Waited for him to finish packing up instruments,
and listened to the chatter of all the different people,
all of their conversations.
Sometimes I would pick up a random sentence,
a boisterous laugh
or a whistle.
But mainly it all just sounded like church.
There could be half a dozen or two hundred, wouldn’t matter.
It would all still sound like mass, like Hail Mary on repeat.
The pulsating buzz of shrill and baritone would lull me to sleep,
and the cool, hard bench became so comfortable.
My weighing eyelids were glad to be
way up past their bedtime.
Felt like home.
He’d have to stir me from that good sleep and I’d
pretend to be cranky.
Rode in between a speaker and the PA, wouldn’t be long before I was
crawling into a crisp bed.
Nothing like the relief
of giving in to exhaustion. The welcoming of ice-cold sheets
and a blanket up to my ear.
Somehow I’ve always strangely loved
feeling like a part of everything and nothing.
I was too young to understand the answered prayers on those Saturday nights.
I was too young to realize
God was talking.
Circa 1988
|
6/16/14
The "Real" Me
I consider myself to be a positive person. When I open my eyes in the morning, the first thing I do is give thanks. I believe that gratitude is key in maintaining a glass-half-full mentality.
On social media I tend to project the best things about life because that is the type of culture I prefer to cultivate, but people need to know it’s okay to have bad days. I say that because too often I impose unrealistic expectations on myself—like always being patient during stressful situations—and it got me thinking on how I might come across to those who don’t know me outside of these interwebs.
It’s not that I portray a false persona, I just opt to announce my triumphs as opposed to my frustrations. BUT IT IS IMPORTANT TO FEEL, to be authentic to your emotions at any given time. It’s not healthy to force happiness, because that’s not real. So when I get all zen on your asses, know that that is most definitely real, but I DO curse, I get road rage, I lose my temper, I get discouraged. Not sharing more of that has less to do with shame or censorship and more to do with not wanting to air dirty laundry.
Something should also be said about creating your own environment. If you constantly talk about negative shit, you will attract a negative perspective. It’s not some new-age theory, it’s common sense. I strive to be a better woman every day and actively choose a mindset that encourages positive growth.
The point is, when we deviate off the path, it’s important take in the view on our way back. Just make sure you DO head back, no matter long it takes.
IG: @daydreamifications
|
5/8/14
Worker Bee
If I were a bloodhound
I could keep my nose to the ground
I could wag my tail for kitchen scraps
content with oblivion
And if I were a garden snail
I could pull my eyes within, choose ignorance
I could keep my mouth shut
because lies prefer silence anyway
And if I were a moth
I could be lulled by the shiny things
I could obediently step into the fire,
pretend there’s value in my sacrifice
And if I were an ant
I could lift everyone up around me but myself
I could work my entire life nameless
satisfied with servitude
IG: @daydreamifications
|
5/1/14
This Man (Good Lord)
This man
has me floatin through Monday like Friday
ain’t even matter
Has me
sinful and sinless all in the same syllable
with every
nerve ending on my body suspended
begging for a mercy that just keeps
coming
Sweet deliverance
This man
is the ascension of poetry
Has me—Good Lord,
didn’t know the body could do such things
and we’re only gettin started
Has me
who cares if the whole damn world know
I’ve written
armfuls of love sonnets
talkin bout caresses
talkin bout kisses
talkin bout forever by the minute
But this ain’t the one
This is the back-breaker
the headboard shaker
the we gon have to wash these sheets
Hot damn—
that’s that thing I like right there
Just
like . . .
This man
has me time travelin
experiencing alternate dimensions
in every exhale
He is answered prayer
is baptism
is nourishment
is relief
He is Christmas morning
wrapped up in my—Yes Lord
Pressed around his love
like I can’t know heaven if I let go
Has me
Sweat and sauna with slight whisper
Has me
Backstroking upstream up streams
where Hell Yes feels like flying
I could drown here but please don’t save me
This man
has me feelin like plenty is a damn lie
There couldn’t be enough lifetimes
of his grasp
his pull
his lift
his lean
the nape of my neck
against his breath
his rhythm
his rock
my roll
his warmth
my pleas
This man
has me
4/28/14
One Step at a Time
She paced the entire coast,
counted each step from either side
until she found the center
“Nothing can go wrong from here.”
She waited for the surf to tickle her toes,
gauged where she could safely stand
next, fought the urge to run
“One step at a time.”
How can you complain when you
know what you’re walking into?
There is a sweet spot
just above the knees
well below the waist
“Not much can go wrong from here.”
One misstep, one overwhelming wave
of emotion—she catches
gulp after gulp. Panics
“I’ve gone too far.”
She steps back, looks around,
waits for the sea to calm
No matter how far she goes
or comes, it takes more than longing
to keep the scales from tipping
“Whether things go wrong or right . . .”
She doesn’t bother to wipe the wet sand
away, she has found acceptance
in discomfort
“. . . I can only take one step at a time.”![]() |
| IG: @daydreamifications |
4/28/14
Love Thyself
Fit In
They say to get in
where you fit in, but where do
you go when you feel
like your spirit can belong
anywhere and everywhere?
Where is my place here?
All my life I’ve been floating
fluttering from each
social circle to the next
never finding rest, a home
Home is where God is
Will I spend my forever
searching for my heart?
If love goes on beyond me
why do I fear loneliness?
We all long for God
even in non-existence
Words can be brave and
convincing, but the truth is
no one wants to be alone
IG: @daydreamifications
|
4/21/14
Don't Shoe Me Away
Much has come to pass between us
I have sheltered you from many thorns
along your path. I only ask
for sand every once in a while
I like it when it rains unexpectedly
Only then do I ever taste a muddy puddle
or feel the cool, moist pavement
brush against my skin
You never take me dancing anymore
Outside of the occasional toe-tap
at the coffee shop or desk chair
I’ve forgotten how it feels to fly
I’m left abandoned in the back of your closet
Once adored, now I’m the butt of the joke
“What was I thinking?” you said
Our season must have come to pass
IG: @daydreamifications
|
4/18/14
The Sunset from My Backyard
Every night
the sun dangles from the rooftops
her head slowly draping
into the sea of nightfall below
I beg her to clutch tighter
on the days I still need her
beaming smile
But I always understand
when her lavender exhale
whispers goodbye
I admire the tenacity it must take
to drown like that
every day
IG: @daydreamifications
|
4/18/14
Love and Cupcakes
Friendship will tell you the half-burnt cupcakes you’ve baked
are delicious.
Envy will say they’re not hungry
and flattery will go for seconds.
Spiteful will admit they’re disgusting
but gluttony will be content to lick the frosting.
Narcissism will want the recipe to make a better version
shaped like butterflies so they can feel a fleeting kind of love--
the only kind they know.
But family . . .
Family will eat them and optimistically declare
they’ve had worse.
Their right hand will slap you in the face
with an ice pack of truth.
Love can be cold like that.
And that’s the only kind I want.
IG: @daydreamifications
|
4/15/14
Turlock
A shotgun rests on his lap
Rocking chair creaks
Breeze kicks up pollen
from the am-uhnd fields
Wispy white hair don’t notice
Lungs full of manure with
no time for rose-smellin
He oversees
behind beady, wrinkled eyes
what he worked so hard
to steal
Waits
for the next devil that dares
steal his freedom
Lives under the model that
everything has a price tag
Tax him and it’s robbery
but he don’t mind when the cattle
come cheap
Believes in Jesus
but fails to notice
the miracles all around him
How the blossoms unfurl in spring
or how the sun melts behind the barn
and paints the evening violet
Used to be a tough guy
Fought for his country
Listens with a filter
fashioned out of confederate flags
Stubborn, proud and ornery
Even his liver spots are angry
as they mosh about his pale skin
Will die to defend a constitution
he interprets only protects
people like him
Rocking Chairs on Main House, Painting by Richard R. Russo
|
4/10/14
Ask Me Who I Am
Call me inside of my name
to what I am beyond a name
“I am” merely conceit
To ask what is self is to ask
what is God
Ask me who I am
Send a carrier pigeon
to the center of the universe
Write down the message sent back
on the ears of kindred strangers
We do not live on as dried ink
The stars remember our memories
long after the scrolls have burned
All of this searching for the light switch
All of this progression towards purpose
or the belief there is none
All of it is still darkness
Our evolving beliefs and unknowns
are victims of perspective
Ego shows face in the best of intentions
Ask me who I am
to learn of who you are
IG: @daydreamifications
|
4/8/14
Winning
Sometimes the odds
even out
and you win
You are outstretched
arms in surrender
to victory and joy
The first to cross the tape
But contrary to popular belief
there is no such thing as losing
only loss
We can only lose each other
There is no finish line
Even if there were
being last is just a new
beginning
There is no race
There is only here, now
and the hope for tomorrow
There is grief, struggle
pain
and there is starting over
We regenerate, forgive
love
So as you are running
from point A to point B
know
that it is still only just
a circle
The fact that you are still
here
is winning
On your worst day you have won
[source unknown]
|
4/7/14
He Beats Her
He beats her without ever laying a finger on her.
Does it with his posture
when she shakes a man’s hand.
With his words when he asks her
why she’s so dressed up today
instead of letting her know how beautiful she is
in everything she wears.
He beats her with his fists
on another man’s chin
for looking at her too closely.
Body slams her with guilt trips and insecurity
stemming from his own dishonesty.
Choke holds her in a relationship
that holds her back.
She can’t even be herself anymore
because she’s lost all sense of who she is.
Sacrifices everything for her family.
Picks up the slack on repeat
and never complains.
He doesn’t even see her.
Not for the strong woman she is
but as the object he feels entitled to.
Has beat her down for so long
she doesn’t even recognize it anymore.
Doesn’t even flinch over the fact that her hands
won’t
stop
shaking.
IG: @daydreamifications
|
4/6/14
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