Sometimes I look up at my father's memorial card that I keep on my corkboard at work and I think, "What is the point of doing anything other than serving my purpose?"
Last night my friend told me that I was lost, and given where my thoughts have been over the last few days, this really hit home. I had been reflecting on how for the last two years I have been in a constant state of practicing positivity. Not that I haven't "fallen off the wagon" here and there, but for the most part I make a conscious choice to be happy everyday. But what am I smiling for? Why am I here? Where am I going?
I often refer to the common philosophical idea that all that I know is that I know nothing, but I wonder if this lack of "knowing" is what keeps me stagnant. My twitter and facebook are riddled with positive affirmations. There are sticky notes at home and at work that remind me to be thankful and to stay driven. What good does this do me though if I am still standing in the same spot? Talking the talk but not walking the walk serves no one. I am angry at myself and I haven't determined if it stems from impatience or inaction. (Or both.)
I have two goals that I believe will serve my purpose and bring me joy: become a full-time writer/artist and open a community center. I want to serve people, and I want the freedom to be who I am at all times. How can I truly believe in myself enough to manifest these dreams into reality if I don't know what I believe in? Don't get me wrong. I am extremely thankful for where I am in life and am conscious of how far I have come. I have a job, I have a roof, I have many blessings and things could be far worse. But I feel like I am in a state of constant “planning." I have yet to ACT, yet to materialize these plans . . .
One day I will be gone. What am I doing with my life?
Last night my friend told me that I was lost, and given where my thoughts have been over the last few days, this really hit home. I had been reflecting on how for the last two years I have been in a constant state of practicing positivity. Not that I haven't "fallen off the wagon" here and there, but for the most part I make a conscious choice to be happy everyday. But what am I smiling for? Why am I here? Where am I going?
I often refer to the common philosophical idea that all that I know is that I know nothing, but I wonder if this lack of "knowing" is what keeps me stagnant. My twitter and facebook are riddled with positive affirmations. There are sticky notes at home and at work that remind me to be thankful and to stay driven. What good does this do me though if I am still standing in the same spot? Talking the talk but not walking the walk serves no one. I am angry at myself and I haven't determined if it stems from impatience or inaction. (Or both.)
I have two goals that I believe will serve my purpose and bring me joy: become a full-time writer/artist and open a community center. I want to serve people, and I want the freedom to be who I am at all times. How can I truly believe in myself enough to manifest these dreams into reality if I don't know what I believe in? Don't get me wrong. I am extremely thankful for where I am in life and am conscious of how far I have come. I have a job, I have a roof, I have many blessings and things could be far worse. But I feel like I am in a state of constant “planning." I have yet to ACT, yet to materialize these plans . . .
One day I will be gone. What am I doing with my life?
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| IG: @daydreamifications |
4/26/13
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