In my mind
brews a constant swirl
of the ideal,
perfect
me.
Some days I question everything.
Then there are those
I feel so sure-footed
I step on slippery boxes
and shout my beliefs
without warning
to the point where I have to wonder
if it is a violation.
But when the rains come
instead of letting it
wash away my sins
I stand vulnerable,
guilty
and ashamed
that there is no longer a box left
to stand on.
Never wanting to admit
I have sins
in the first place.
My legs intact,
I watch them
go nowhere,
because instead of belief
I am left standing on truth
in the eye
of my perfect
storm.
I am
every day gathering pieces:
Workout
Help with homework
Analyze blood sugar numbers, make insulin adjustments
Wake up
every three hours
every night for weeks
to check blood sugar numbers so I can
pretend I have I have the ability to
analyze them
Pretend I am not sleep-deprived
Take mom to somewhere
Practice flashcards
Pack lunches
Cook healthy
low-carb,
gluten-free
mostly raw
meals from scratch
Fold laundry (always the laundry)
Pray
Read (books/articles/blogs)
Write (poetry/blog/letter/journal)
Play games with firstborn
Bedtime story
Shower
Clean bathrooms
Wash kitchen floor
Vacuum
Work (be on time)
and be in bed by 8:30pm so you can wake up at 5am
and be at work all day until 5pm.
(So, roughly three hours.)
DO IT ALL in three hours.
Put on makeup
“Do” hair
Dress fly
Grocery shop
Get gas
Go to the school play/meeting/talent show
Trick-or-treat
Put up Christmas tree, wrap presents
Hide Easter eggs
Replace light bulbs, air filter, batteries
Service vehicle
Pay bills
Budget
Talk on phone with loved ones
Change insulin pump
Upload photos from digital camera
Relax
Spend time
with loved ones
Remember
to love myself
Some days I feel like every day
starts from scratch and it is daunting.
After a bad day?
well, that's just what I need, isn't it?
a fresh start?
But after a few good days--to start over
again and again and again . . .
It is a never-ending task.
Some days I feel like
I am deficient because I am not efficient
enough
and I can't keep up.
 |
| source unknown |
2/17/14
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